Because of you.

Because of you I feel okay. I feel like I can love again someday.

Because of you my mood swings don’t last as long. I can cry but when you ask me “why are you sad?”, the tears seem to stop running down my face.

Because of you life seems like it can get better. I’m grateful because you exist.

Because of you I’m not as angry as I used to be. I can’t stay angry at you, I forget how to be angry.

Because of you I don’t want to kill myself anymore, I’m not sure what you do but its takes away the sucidal thoughts.

Because of you somedays I feel normal even though I’m suffering from this mental illness right now. You always tell me “you don’t have an excuse to act the way you do”, and for a split second I believe you.

Because of you my days always begin with a laugh, my goodness what are you doing to my spirit?

Because of you I don’t wanna be a player no more. You got my jersey up on the wall and I don’t wanna take it down right now.

Because of you I know the world isn’t against me. You’re in the world and I know you’re not against me no matter what this mental illnes tries to convince me of.

Because of you I smile more, God thank you for sending me another angel. Like Kayne said “I talked to God about you, he said he sent you an angel… you asked for one and you got two.”

Because of you I can hear Sam Smith’s Too Good at Goodbyes, and think to myself how I couldn’t possibly be good at them cause I can’t even think about saying goodbye to you. Its always see you later even if I won’t.

Because of you I didn’t have to think so hard about a catch phrase. I sent you a snap and you shot me one back in seconds replying “Keeping It Ge”.

Because of you I blogged about my most important life lesson. You came up with several more ideas and all I could think was God thank you for this person.

Because of you I try a little harder to be nicer because I don’t like to be mean to you. But sometimes you need that reality check that I’m not these other people in ya life.

Because of you I started this blog, I was sitting here on my homeboy’s apartment floor and all I could think about was you. I sent you three snaps, but you’re busy right now so you’ll see them when you aren’t.

Because of you I know that I’m not alone. And though I fear abandonment, I know you won’t leave. And though I fear engulfment, you damn sure won’t let me cling.

Because of you I give thanks for every single thing you do since I know that because of me you been stressing more than usual. I know you might not read this, but it’ll mean more to me if you did.

Because of you I care about you. I always will. No matter the condition, no matter the circumstances. I support you. I am your forever friend, don’t let me get too far away.

Thank you for all who read this, and much love and thanks to the person that this one was about.

Much love,

Najiyyah

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