Lesson Learned

My most important lesson learned in life is about love.

We all have our definitions of love, but for me my definition was, as most people’s is, built off of the experience of it. It started May 23, 2014.may 23I couldn’t have guessed that going to this girl’s grandmother’s house that I just met would result in me having my first girlfriend two weeks later on June 9, 2014. Her name doesn’t need to be said for her or anyone close to me to know who I’m talking about, but she is and always will be my first love.

The lesson about love, was about how you shouldn’t love someone more than you love yourself. My first love taught me what unconditional love was. Unconditional love is loving someone no matter the condition, no matter how many times they break you or treat you like you mean nothing to them, you love them anyways because that’s what unconditional is.

My first relationship was built solely off of lies. We began what would be the most life changing moments of our life once we began this relationship that would later be detrimental to the both of our lives. Going into the relationship, I always had people in my ear telling me my first love had a boyfriend, but I didn’t believe them because I wasn’t the type to believe everything people said. But…. they were not lying. I cheated in July 2014 at YADAPP because my first love’s at the time best friend kept telling me that my first love stayed home from YADAPP to be with her boyfriend. I then lied about it until August 2014, when I was in California visiting with family. My first love confessed she was in love with me in August also.. Here’s the text message:

New Note

There was more to it, but this is the only screenshot I could find right now. Either way let’s get back to the lesson. Honestly, I wasn’t in love with her when she sent me her confession. I liked her a lot, but it always takes me a while before I fall for someone, so I didn’t tell her I was in love also I just let her know that I fall for her more everyday too. Anyways so as time moves on I begin to really fall for her, even though their were so many lies being told. I fell in love with her in October of 2014, so about four months into dating. I fell so hard in love that I forgot that I was suppose to still love myself. I began to fail at the relationship because I would listen to what everyone else had to say about it and I didn’t know how to block the world out. In January 2015, after I turned 18, I broke up with my first love and began to break her heart by verbally abusing her. I also began talking to another girl and even had the girl practically fall in love with me, but I still wanted my first love. In February or March 2015, my first love moved to Pennsylvania with her grandmother because her father put her out. I was saddened that she left, but I was also happy because now I could pursue this other girl without having to give my first love my presence anymore. Well, a lot of things began to go south with my relationship with my first love, but we never fully stopped messing around. My prom was May 2, 2015; my first love couldn’t make it so she sent me some flowers. Here’s the note she sent with the flowers:

By June, my first love came to my graduation, and also moved back to VA. She came back and lived with her grandfather so seeing her became easier and we began to get deeper into our relationship until July 13, 2015 when I found out she had sex with a guy I was friends with. That would start the crazy trust issues even more within the already toxic relationship. With all the lying, cheating, and heartbreaking you would think that the 18 year old Najiyyah would have just walked away from the entire situation, but I never gave up easily on her. In October 2015, I had sex with a guy; it wouldn’t be until December 26, 2015 that my first love found out though. After I had sex with him I immediately felt bad because I knew I still wanted to be with my first love even though we were on one of our typical breaks from our relationship. We began to then have a climax in our relationship, going to her senior homecoming and doing a bunch of cute things together.

December 26, 2015. The day that my depression began. My first love contacted me via text message asking if I had anyone in my house recently, and at first I honestly had forgot that back in October I had the guy in my house so I left his name out of the people that I named to her. Long story short she made it seem liked I cheated on her, but I didn’t I was single. Anyways December 26, 2015 was the end of my year and six month relationship of lies.

My most important in life lesson, because of my first relationship, is love. I learned to love hard. I learned to understand unconditional love because though we broke up on December 26, we did not stop talking or hurting each other. Everything in Virginia reminds me of my ex. I did a lot of firsts with my first love. I was vulnerable to her, I was madly in love with her, but I also didn’t love myself. I learned what love was through her though. And I am so thankful for the love she gave me and taught me also.

This began to be a very lengthy post, so if you stuck around to read this entire thing I would like to leave you with this: Self love is important, you absolutely cannot love another person if you do not love yourself. Please, if not for anyone else, for yourself, love you. Thank you for reading about my most important lesson in life.

Much love,

Najiyyah

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