I know I didn’t post anything yesterday and to start this off I would like to sincerely apologize to the people who actually read my blogs and to the people that I help. Now the title of this blog is Brandon Marshall because he, just as I do, suffers from the mental illness of Borderline Personality Disorder. I don’t keep up with football or anything that is highlighted in the news, but this morning when a flight chief from Mids, MSgt Masingo, told me to search Brandon Marshall I did.
Once I searched Brandon Marshall I came across an article written back in 2012 titled “Stronger than ever, Brandon Marshall learns to live with Borderline Personality Disorder”. This article started off with a quote from Brandon Marshall himself and after reading the quote all I could say was that’s exactly what I feel every day. The quote was “By no means am I all healed or fixed, but it’s like a light bulb has been turned on in my dark room.” To me this quote means that even though I go through therapy and feel as though everyday my mental illness is fading, it’s not completely gone, but I do know what is wrong with me now. I now know that when I switch moods quickly and get really sad or feel as though I have no one, that it is just my mental illness and that whatever negative emotion I am feeling it will soon go away as it always does.
Brandon Marshall is a 12-year veteran who has Borderline Personality Disorder. As the article says, Brandon found a name for a disorder that presented him with a volatile life and left him unable to enjoy his success. The article gives another definition for BPD, saying it presents with an inability to process emotions, magnifies the fear of abandonment, and creates heightened feelings of loneliness and boredom. Brandon Marshall had all of the aforementioned aspects in his life which had dated back to his time at the University of Central Florida, and through his career with the Denver Broncos and Miami Dolphins.
Just as Brandon Marshall has overcome the adversaries of Borderline, so will I. It took him over a year to become a different man and to have a better understanding of his condition. Just as he felt, I feel like I have a second chance at life because I now have gotten treatment for my disorder and I have done so much research on it, so I always know what I am experiencing. Reading about Marshall inspired me to continue to blog about BPD because I know that there could be people out there who are suffering with the same thing, but they have no idea how to express themselves.
Before helping others though I have to first gain control of my life. I have to continue to seek treatment for my disorder and allow people to help me in life, so that I am not stuck at a standstill. I want to become the best me that I can possibly be and if that means being selfish with myself until I am done than I will be by all means. Though Borderlines suffer from this mental disorder, there are many success stories among us. To name a few celebrities who suffered with BPD: Dr. Marsha Linehan, Amy Winehouse, Lindsey Lohan, Princess Diana, and Angelina Jolie.
I know I said I would be selfish with myself, but because I fear abandonment and being alone I don’t know how exactly I will be fully selfish with me. I spend a lot of my time caring about others because that is what my heart tells me to do. Its hard suffering from Borderline, but I make the best of it. I have bad days probably every day, but the thing about that is that I still push forward. I know I can’t give up. I know I have to boss up and be the woman I know I can be. With therapy and blogging I know I will have overcome so much especially the things that are designed to break me.
Well, I’ve now come to a stopping point. I hope you stuck around to read through the end. If not maybe you skipped to the end, so I would like to say thank you. The love and support I get on my blog is very encouraging. Some days I won’t post because of a lack of motivation, but I’ll try my hardest to push through even when I lack it. Take care.