Am I enough?

When will I ever be enough? When will someone appreciate me for all that I am?

Am I not pretty enough?

Am I not nice enough?

Am I not smart enough?

Am I not lovable?

Am I not all that someone wants in a woman?

Am I not rich enough?

Am I not enough?

What’s wrong with me? Is it my mental illness that strays people away from me? Or is it the way I’m so blunt that I would tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear?

Am I not vulnerable enough?

Am I not caring enough?

Am I not enough?

I am constantly battling with my brain. Can’t you see that I’m struggling enough? Why does everyone want to add on to my stress rather than help me with the pain. I’m trying so hard everyday to be happy. But with each day I am constantly reminded by my mind that I’m no where near happy. I can smile all day. Laugh all day. And feel happy, but the truth is when I’m not around anyone I’m breaking. Even when I am around people I constantly feel alone. The feeling of being alone never leaves and it sucks because I am always trying. Why do I try so hard? Why am I always trying to be accepted? It’s like I don’t know how to not be myself anymore. I don’t know how to fake anything except happiness. God I know I’m not in this alone and that the battle is not mine its yours. But my goodness it doesn’t feel that way. Where is my happiness? Is it hiding or is it right in front of me, but I just can’t reach it? I just never feel as though I’ll be enough. Its like I’ll always be second to everyone I put first.

It all ends soon. Take care. Thank you for reading.

Much love,

Najiyyah

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