Friendship

Friends. How many of us have them?

Friendship according to google is a relationship between friends. So I figure we should define friends with google also. A friend according to google is a person with whom one knows and whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.

For me friendship or friends, just as marriage, is a much shorter definition. Friendship is loyalty. Friends are forever.

For this blog about Friends I want to tell you all about my friendships. Many of my friends I do not talk to everyday, but when we do we immediately pick back up as if we never stopped talking. My friends mean a lot to me because sometimes they are all I have.

Friendship just as family is loyalty. If I call you my friend I should be able to trust that no matter what your loyalty will always lie with me. I should be able to trust that whatever I tell you I won’t have to worry about anyone else knowing my business. I should be able to confide in you no matter what it’s about.

I have lost many friends just because I couldn’t gain that trust to tell them whatever it is no matter what. Lately I have met some friends I plan to keep around for a while, but as I always say time tells everything.

I cannot predict whether a year from now or even months from now I’ll still be talking to some of the people I talk to, but hopefully I will. I struggle a lot with interpersonal relationships due to my mental illness, but I would like to stop using my mental illness as a crutch. I want more for myself and my friends. I want to be able to not feel like I can trust everyone I call my friend, but I’m sure that takes a lot of time.

Friendship is forever. I want to be able to be friends with the people close to me forever because they mean that much to me. I am challenging myself to not get comfortable with isolating myself from the world. Talking through whatever it is I’m going through helps with my mental state. I am constantly trying to knock off factors that say I still have a mental disorder and one of them starts with interpersonal relationships.

If I can thrive off of my interpersonal relationships instead of always seeking dysfunction I know that I can overcome everything else life has to throw at me. I am not my mental illness.

Friends to me are the people who push me to never give up. I’m thinking of five women right now who encourage me to never give up. To “just keep swimming”, to want more for myself, to have control over my situations, to be careful who I trust, and to most importantly be on my #MEMISSION. These women came into my lives all at very different points and I would like to take some time to thank them and to tell about the times we met.

First, to my person. My best friend. I first noticed you back in 2006 when we were in fourth grade, but I never thought we would be friends. In 2008, we began to not like each other for whatever odd reason (we hardly knew each other). As we realized that both of us were more alike than anyone we knew we  became inseparable in 2009.  In 2011 we started going to different schools and fell off later in 2012, but now in 2017 we are back and better. Thank you for always being my best friend no matter what and for never giving me reason to doubt our friendship, your loyalty. Just keep swimming best friend.

Next, to my forever friend. Thank you. Many couldn’t possibly believe that we have only been friends for 48 days, but it’s very true. The way we connected was instantaneously and from the day I met you I knew there was something about you that would keep me around. The vibes you give are almost always positive and I love the way you see things in me that I can’t even see. Thank you for your undying friendship and for you making me want more for myself.

Honestly this blog is getting a little lengthier than I expected it to get so I want to leave you all with a message from my bestie to me:

You’ve got to feel this pain and then turn around and use this as fuel, so that you’re sensitive to the negative energy that may try to reach you in the future. Learn from this. Remember this. So that you’ll recognize it immediately and turn it away and carry on about your life. This life is too short… too many people that love you to hurt too long over somebody who isn’t going to be on your team through whatever…

 

Now I am going to end this blog and I hope you all feel what friendship is to me now.

 

 

 

Much love,

Najiyyah

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