I’m just a Queen trying to raise one…

Hello, I know its been a while since my last blog, but life has been extremely hectic lately and truthfully I don’t want to blog about that yet. So instead I’ll blog about how to raise your self-esteem with the help of a print out from Stanley J. Gross, Ed.D.

FIRST THING FIRST….

Love yourself uncontrollably and without reason. Next understand the loving yourself is one of the most challenging things, but also one of the most rewarding. Self-esteem answers the question, “How do I feel about who I am?”

Today I feel worth it. But truthfully the only reason I do is because I had to sit here and find messages from when people were telling me I was. If it were just me and my thoughts alone I’d drown in the idea of self hate. Although I want to love myself deeper than I ever have before. I’m craving the type of love I wanna give to someone for myself. I’m praying that everyday I get more strength to be a better woman because that is win I know I have won. I want to be able to face my demons and laugh at them. Because the demons in me only want the worse for me. They’d love to see me depressed the way I was last year at this time.

But the diefference between this year and last is that I met someone who really showed me what its like to appreciate someone for everything that they are. I met someone who would have dropped everything they were doing to drive a bit over a hour to sit with me as I cried out my secrets. I met someone who taught me waiting for greatness is necessary. I would have never imagined I’d be laying here blogging about someone I thought would just be a fling. Anyways this blog is supposed to be about how I’m trying to raise a queen so let me get back to it.

I’m 22 now and I honestly feel more than ready to bring a child into the world than I ever have before. I know my worth and how much I matter, so I know I can teach my daughter the same. I know most women want a little girl so they can have a miniture them, but I want a little girl so I can raise a Queen. Sometimes I wish my parents would have prayed for me the way I pray for my future daughter. I want her to know that everyday I prayed I could get myself together for her. To know that I went through hell and high waters for her so that she would never feel the pain I’ve felt. My little girl will never know what its like to wonder if someone loves them because my love will always remind her of that. Today and everyday until she arrives I’m praying that Z understands her Mommy wasn’t always as perfect as I’ll be when she looks up to me. I want her to feel the love I’ve had building up inside of me anticipating her arrival. My daughter will be the person who I know loves me without void. I am changing myself now so that when she arrives I no longer live life selfishly. My life will never be about what I want anymore when that sweet angel blesses me with her presence. Everything about her I know will be perfect because God will make her extremely perfect just for me. I’m praying that I chose the perfect God mother for her because I know Chey is going to love that little girl unconditionally. I’ve already completed one journal for my daughter to read when she’s 18. Every time I speak about her I get chills and God hasn’t even planted the seed that will bloom into my dream yet. The plan is to make sure my mental is together first because lately it hasn’t been.

Lately I haven’t been thinking about the fact that I want a little girl who sees me as her inspiration. So today and everyday forward I plan to make sure I live up to that goal. To be the best Queen I can be as I prepare my body, mind, and soul to bare a female child.. my own princess.

If you’re reading this pray with me.. God please understand that I know I have wronged you and many of the people you have blessed me with, but I vow to never wrong my child. I promise with all of my beings that I will walk through life with my head up with or without medication. I will stop putting my faith into people who are not you and understand that everything that happens is because you wanted it to. I will let go of what is not for me because you have showed me far more than once why I should. I fear you and you alone and it is you and you alone that knows my heart. Amen.

After that prayer I of course have to let you all know that I’m planning my entire pregnancy. I don’t want to do it alone, but as of now thats what God has trained me to do already. He’s given me every tool I need… the ladder has already been built as high as I need it to be. I am destined to be a woman who raises nothing but royalty and I promise to each and every reader that whatever I birth will lead a life of just that. I know this has begun to be a bit lengthy, but just know no matter how hard people pray on my downfall I have God on my side. And a princess waiting to meet her Queen. I love you.

Much love,

Najiyyah Arisa

P.S. Check out my YouTube Channel so I can feel motivated to edit more videos.

My channel is called Keeping It Ge of course.

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