Hey… It’s not even 2 am anymore but since 2 am I’ve been up thinking about you. Truthfully no matter what time it is I’m always thinking about you. No matter where we are in life I’ll likely always think about you. I dream about you. I wanted to give you all of me up front to see if I was still what you wanted. I needed you to know me. To know what you were getting yourself into and in the process of that I slipped out of perfection. I made a mistake and didn’t stay as honest as I prayed I wanted to be. For that I’ll always be apologetic. For you I’d always be sorry… I have never in my life met someone I wanted to wait for. I waited nearly three months to even show you how it feels to have someone embrace every crevice of your womanhood. You are the epitome of what I was searching for in a person, too good to be true. I could never understand why your heart was so open to love someone so fucked up as me. I talked to God about my mistakes and asked Him to show you if I couldn’t be brave enough to tell you. So He did… then I asked Him if you still cared because as I listened to you belittle me and talk to me as if I never meant shit to you I lost sight of what attracted to me to you in the first place. If you’re reading this… I want you to know that your beauty will always run far more than skin deep. That you will always be worth waiting for and that you’ll never be disposable to me. If I can only have you as a friend I’ll accept that than to lose you forever. I know you feel as though we didn’t love each other, but love is all I felt when I was with you.
The first day I knew I was meeting you was the first time in forever I was nervous to meet someone. I had butterflies all over my body and I couldn’t wait to feel your presence as we had already established rapport through text messages. I felt like I already knew you, and I craved to know more. When you told me you were outside I felt my heart stop for a moment because I was hoping that you didn’t see all of my insecurities immediately. And you didn’t….. You only seen the good in me, as you kissed my hand ever so sweetly you made me feel like someone really wanted to love me purely. I have never in my life felt love at first sight, but damn you literally had me from the first meet. I never sleep comfortably the first time I sleep over someone’s place, but with you I felt safe…. Sleep in your arms came easily and for the first time in my life I felt like I chose someone right. Honestly after just explaining that the rest is history. Every moment after that was blissful and it truly didn’t matter to me what we were doing as long as I could feel your presence.
The first time I knew I loved you was probably when I told you my darkest secret. There is not another person on this earth that can say they know the things that you know. You are the only one I have ever felt comfortable sharing my entire life with. I just wish I wouldn’t have let negativity lead me away from all of the things I already knew. I already knew you were worth every moment. I already knew I could eventually build an empire with you and even if all of that is gone now at least I can say I experienced a life changing love.
The kind where you stay up all night losing sleep over. The kind where no matter how I’m feeling about you I still want you to know I care about you and I always will. Because your happiness has always mattered to me and there is no one on this earth that could ever take me away from you. With that I’m gonna close out this blog with a message to my readers…
Never let a neighbor tell you how to take care of your home. Never be a product of the people you surround yourself with. Never lose sight of someone who takes your breath away. Never walk alone if someone is offering you their hand. And absolutely NEVER give up if you think someone is worth the chance to feel a lifetime of love.
Thank you so much for reading if you read this in its entirety because it was solely written with my entire heart.
Najiyyah Arisa(your Naji)